Some True Things About Learning German

Surely there is not another language that is so slipshod and systemless, and so slippery and elusive to the grasp. One is washed about in it, hither and thither, in the most helpless way; and when at last he thinks he has captured a rule which offers firm ground to take a rest on amid the general rage and turmoil of the ten parts of speech, he turns over the page and reads, "Let the pupil make careful note of the following exceptions." He runs his eye down and finds that there are more exceptions to the rule than instances of it.
-Mark Twain

I took German for 5 years in junior high and high school. Most people took Spanish or French, but I wanted to rebel, and so I chose German. As previously mentioned, I was a nerd, so taking the unconventional language and deciding to wear a lot of black in junior high was as close to rebellious as I could get. Nevertheless, when we found out that Neil had been selected as an Olmsted Scholar it was of some comfort to me that I had a background in the language of the country to which we would be moving. I was particularly relieved because at the time, I was about 6 months pregnant with Annika, and although I didn't totally know what to expect as a first-time mom, I knew that having an infant wasn't necessarily going to aid in the regularity of effectiveness of my studies. My last German class, however, was a mere 16 years ago, so it goes without saying that I had my work cut out for me.

I feel that I need to take a moment before I get into the meat of this account to say that I have been struggling a bit with what the proper tone should be. There are certainly plenty of amusing anecdotes which could probably fit well into a montage in the middle of a romantic comedy backed by a Hall and Oates or Spin Doctors song. There will be some of that, but there is going to be some hard truth as well.  I am a person who deals primarily in reality and rational thought, and I don't use hyperbole or exaggerate for the purposes of proving points, so I'm not going to start doing that here. So here is my attempt to be objective in relating the joys and challenges of learning a language (see third bullet down).

Learning a new language, any new language, is difficult for anyone (except maybe small children and those with a proclivity for such things). Some are more difficult than others, and there are a myriad of things that make any language complicated. German has many grammar rules and tenses and different sentence structures and long words that are just a bunch of smaller words smashed together and sentences that continue the length of a paragraph with no punctuation or separation of thoughts, but with the exception of four new letters, it shares the alphabet with English and doesn't require learning to write or recognize an entirely different set of characters, and thus it falls somewhere in the middle in terms of difficulty. Here are some things that are true about the Senkowskis learning German, and I will address them in order:

1. Given any choice, Neil's language-learning takes priority as he has to take graduate-level classes which will be taught entirely in German.
2. Annika screams a lot.

1
When I took the language aptitude test at the beginning of this process, I scored well enough that I could have been in Neil's German class at DLI. We made a decision together before Annika was born that it would probably be too early to stick her in a daycare for 8+ hours/day, 5 days/week so that I could attempt to keep up in that class. To give a bit of an idea of what this class is/was like, Neil was in class from 8-4 Monday-Friday and spent between 2-4+ hours/night on those days studying. On the weekends, depending on when the nest test was, he would study between 6-10 hours/day. In addition, we fell asleep at night to the dulcet tones of German language podcasts...and occasionally a screaming Annika (more on that later). It is no joke, and the pressure on Neil  to not only devote time to the class at DLI but also to the process (still ongoing, FYI) of getting admitted to school in Berlin was enormous. I recognized that, and as such I tried to limit the need for his involvement in the other day-to-day goings on as it pertained to Annika, cleaning, dog-walking, etc. I took Annika with me on my runs during the week and for the long ones on weekends (although to be honest, this served 2 purposes as this was one of the few things that kept her quiet). She came with me grocery shopping. We took Stella on extendo walks so that the house could be quiet for him to record a video for an assignment for school. Neil's job was learning German, and my job was trying to create a better environment to let him learn German. It was not ideal for either of us, but in the grand scheme of things, it would pay off, we hoped.

When we arrived in Monterey, Annika was not quite 2 months old. In those two months, she spent 4.5 weeks in our house in Delaware, about 10 days in my parents' basement in MD, a week or so at Neil's parents' house in Chicago, and a week in a Toyota Camry with Neil, myself, Uncle Leo (cat) and Stella (dog). I've heard that babies and young children like consistency and routine. This may explain some things, but I digress.

My view to the front en route to Monterey.

My view to the right en route to Monterey.

Had I enrolled at DLI, I would not have been able to give Neil the time he needed to get the most out of DLI, take care of the baby/house, and put the time into the class that I would have needed to. In addition, I felt guilty enough about the tumultuous first few weeks for Annika without the additional guilt that would have come with leaving her all day, every day. Looking back, this may or may not have been the right decision, but it was as right a decision as we could make at the time. Fortunately, Germans really want people to learn German, so there are a number of online options and podcasts for studying, and so I tried to take advantage of those as best I could. During the long walks with Stella, I would listen to podcasts. If Annika decided to grace me with a nap, I would try to work my way through some of the online courses.

When we got to Berlin, we got to looking for language classes for both of us. As it turns out, at most schools the language classes for all levels are from 0900-1300, give or take 15 minutes. As it also turns out, there is a severe shortage of childcare workers and slots in the Kindergartens, particularly for those under age 3. Therefore, Neil took his prep course for the TestDaF (proficiency test for applying to school), and I continued with my attempts at online and podcast learning. Being in the country and hearing the language constantly was definitely helpful, but I was definitely in need of a more intensive, baby-free environment to up the Deutsch ante. After some searching by Neil and a recommendation from his teacher, we found an evening class for me. It met Monday and Wednesday evenings, for a total of 3 hours/week...better than nothing, but still not quite enough to get me where I wanted to be. Neil continued with language classes in the morning and also found an adult swim team which practiced Tuesday and Friday evenings. This was awesome because it was apart from the days I had class. He also found an amazing 3-week class through the FU which combined language class in the mornings with Berlin city tours and events in the afternoons and often evenings as well. This on top of swimming meant I was spending a lot of time with Annika at the Kinderspielplatz (playground), which is, of yet, my main source of potential friends (of all ages) and practicing my German. To this point, I had been ok with my role of supportive wife and mother, but it started to wear on me seeing Neil go out and discover our new city without me. I tried to look at it as recon for tours/trips that we could do together, but really I was just getting antsy and feeling left out.

Annika making friends.

While I am thankful to have found the evening class tonight was the last night, and week after next, Neil and I will be taking classes at the Volkshochschule (community college), where he will have a morning class and I will go in the afternoons, 4 hours/day, 4 days/week. This will be good on a number of levels as I hope that the amount of time spent in class with this group of people who primarily live near here will lend itself to potential friendships for me and for Neil.

2
Babies cry. They eat, sleep, open and close their eyes at irregular intervals, and they cry. I know this now, and knew it long ago. By all accounts from Neil's family, he cried/screamed a lot. Prior to Annika joining us, I heard many people wish upon Neil a child similar to himself. I tried to remind these people that it was also me that they were wishing this on. I am certain that this had no bearing on the fact that Annika is also such a child, but I thought it was worth mentioning. The sleep deprivation aspect of having a child was not really a major concern for me because I've never slept all that much as it is. What I was wholly unprepared for was the volume and amount of daytime screaming that I would have to endure. You know how tiny newborn babies have that tiny newborn cry? Were it not for hearing it from other people's babies, I would not know that either. Annika has, since moment one of her life, screamed at a pitch and volume and with such ferocity that one would swear I was constantly peeling her skin off. That is, unless she was being moved...incessantly. Please note that I did not say held as she was never much of a fan of that, unless she was being carried, facing outward, and walked around. I have included a short video clip as exhibit A. I have many exhibits as I recorded her from time to time to compare and see if things were getting better or worse or louder or less screechy. I am only including this one, for the sanity of myself and anyone who is still reading at this point.

Exhibit A

Now, if you can, pretend that this goes on for a period of time between 45 minutes and 3 hours. It continues whether she is swaddled, unswaddled, fed, changed, bathed, talked to, sung to, etc. It happens every day, often multiple times a day unless said child is being walked/run around in a carrier or stroller. People would give me all sorts of friendly tips at the commissary or Target about what they did for their colicky babies. This only infuriated me because colic isn't a thing. It is the fibromyalgia of babies and a pediatrician's way to say, "Nothing is medically wrong with your child, so I am going to give you this label so I don't have to tell you that this is just the temperament of the child you have, so suck it up." I could go on at length on this topic, but I will leave it at that. One can also imagine that this makes studying German a less than viable option. Sometimes, during her "naps" I could go on the front porch in Monterey with headphones on and almost not be able to hear her if I tried really hard. Mostly, I just got used to it, but on some level, it just gradually wore me down until I could not concentrate on anything except trying to decide at night if it was the seals/sea lions echoing from the wharf or our child down the hall making the noise that awakened me.

Because I think we need a seal picture to lighten things up.

As she got older, the screaming changed a bit, but it remained in similar form should any activity/location persist for greater than 5-10 minutes. The thing is, this would be grating even if my only task was to be a stay-at-home mom/wife. I always found amusing the advice on every website/forum that recommended some version of ask your partner to take a shift while you go for a walk or go get coffee. This was a last resort in our house and one I tried to utilize only when I actually believed I would throw her out the window. Every night before we went to bed, one or the other of us would say, "She's one day older, so that's one day better, right?"

Now, there is a light beginning to shine in the darkness or whatever the hearing equivalent of that is..."a slight bit of less noise in the area of lots of noise" doesn't have quite the same ring to it. There is still screaming, but we have thick walls in our apartment, and I barely notice it. There is a bit of a routine developing. She has an actual room with actual curtains and friends at the Kinderzimmer at the gym. In 6 months from now, we will still be living here, thus marking the longest she has lived anywhere in her short life. One of these days, I will break through the harsh Berlin-iness (not a real word but definitely a real thing) of one of the moms at the park, and we will have coffee or a playdate (my goal is by Labor Day weekend). My German and Neil's will improve each day as it has been. This exploration of Germany, its people, and its language is fascinating, and this is truly a once in a lifetime experience. However, I will compare the task of learning a language with that of raising a child. It will be a lifelong process with ups and downs, joys and frustrations. I will not, as I've been instructed by several annoying statuses on Facebook, cherish every moment. I will take in every bit I can and let it make me a better person, a better mother, and a better citizen of the world.

She really is pretty awesome these days.