An Honest Conversation

It seems there is no room for nuance in today's society. Everything is black and white. You're a Republican or a Democrat. You're pro-cop or you're fuck the police. You're #BlackLivesMatter or you're a racist. And since ISIS assholes terrorized the streets of Paris, killing over a hundred innocent people, you're either a heartless, cowardly Islamophobe who hates Syrian women and children or a bleeding-heart liberal who wants to blindly welcome Syrian refugees into our country because it feels like the right thing to do. What there is no room for in any of these discussions is critical thinking and an opinion that would call for a moment of pause. Social media quips, memes, and character limits make it easy to take sides and make snap judgements about people on issues that would formerly have been discussed in a civil manner over dinner and/or drinks or even a phone call. There is no room on Facebook, Twitter, reddit, or Instagram for the so-called "honest conversations" everyone seems to think we need to have about issues such as race, gender equality, or pick your controversial topic of the day. The real problem is that honest conversations require looking at facts and reality on reality's terms and not how something feels. 

This has come to a head this week with the "discussions" I've seen about the Syrian refugees and what America's role in helping them should be. Having lived over seas and being part of a military family, I am privileged to have a group of friends with a wide-ranging spectrum of political, religious, and cultural views. The ability to read the news in German as well as English gives me insight into what life is like in a country accepting not 10,000 refugees in a year but closer to 10,000 refugees a day. If there is going to be an honest conversation, it's important to look at the good and the bad of what's occurring in countries who have, in effect, had an ocean of people streaming across their borders with little to no discretion. It's not all bad, but it's not all good. Most people, in Germany at least, have tried to welcome Syrian refugees. News organizations post weekly video blogs with information on how things work there, basic language skills and phrases, and how to seek help. This article from n-tv.de (in German, sorry), gives a good cross-section of the concerns reactions of Germans and Syrians alike to the attacks in Paris. There are the expected "watch out!" and "don't trust them!" reactions. More than those, however, are concerns from refugees and other Muslims living in Germany that they will be lumped in with ISIS, that they are still not safe from the violence form which they were fleeing, and sentiment that the West is finally seeing what they have been living with for years. There is an outcry, similar to what I have seen on Facebook, wondering why there are French flags everywhere but none from Libya or Syria or Palestine standing as one with those nations. These are poignant and visceral reactions in the face of a terrible tragedy. It brings up some points that I fail to see mentioned when people are posting about what side they're on, but I think they need to be addressed.

The first and most striking to me was the sentiment from refugees that they are not safe in the country where they have sought refuge. Sovereign nations have the right and responsibility to protect their citizens, and that same responsibility extends to the people being accepted into said country for shelter. Allowing fully open borders with no safeguard undermines the security these women and children are seeking. I read a post from a Russian friend of mine about a friend of hers who came here as a refugee from The Soviet Union years ago. He wrote about a time his family spent in Italy before coming to the US being questioned and vetted to make sure they weren't part of the problem from which they were fleeing. Being discerning isn't being cowardly. No one disputes the unthinkable conditions under which these poor people are living and that they need help, but it serves no one to pretend that radical Islam or whatever we're calling it these days doesn't exist. The fact that refugees in Europe feel as though they are still at risk because of the Paris attacks highlights this. Of course it isn't fair to lump all refugees in with ISIS, but the fact remains that there is a percentage of people from that part of the world who are seeking to destroy the freedom and opportunity provided by Western nations. 

Having said that, it is also important to recognize that there is a huge cultural difference between Syria and whatever country will be accepting Syrian refugees. This poses potential difficulties for the refugees and their new home alike. The n-tv.de weekly videos "Marhaba"seek to give refugees insight into how German culture works. Getting them out of Syria is only the beginning. If these people are going to start a new life, they have to be able to start integrating into the culture of their new country. Topics such as religion, the role of women, sex and relationships, and typical food and drink may seem rudimentary, but the fact is that some central aspects of Syrian culture are not entirely compatible with Western society. Learning the culture and language of the country in which you live in essential to establishing a life and being successful in said country. Believe me, I could have existed in Germany without learning German, but I couldn't have made friends and had a real life without it. No one would ask refugees to give up all aspects of their culture, but it needs to be understood that helping refugees assimilate will make life easier for them as much as it will for the Germans (or Americans, in our case).  Those not from Saint Louis may not be aware of the large Bosnian population in that area (second only to Bosnia). In the 1990s, Saint Louis welcomed thousands of Bosnian refugees. It was an ideal location due to low housing costs and job availability. The Bosnian community there has thrived, and the number of Bosnians in the city was 70,000 as of 2013. Many are now moving out of the city into the suburbs after starting successful businesses there 20+ years ago. This would not have been possible without the availability of housing and jobs as well as this refugees learning English and assimilating to their new country and culture. Just getting people here with no plan for their well-being and future won't help anyone in the long run.

I've also seen this quote about 247 times in the past few days:

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free..."

I've seen comparisons to Jews during WWII, Native Americans, everyone because we are all immigrants here. I've also seen comparisons of the ISIS jihad to the Christian crusades. These are all great for trying to prove a point, but can we stop pretending that one has anything to do with the other. Yes, Christians have done many terrible things in the name of religion, and our forefathers committed atrocities against the native populations of this continent. However, what is also important to recognize is that, for the most part, most religions and cultures have evolved over time, and those types of behaviors are no longer acceptable. Much of the middle east, even in progressive areas, is still abiding by rules and principles of hundreds if not thousands of years ago.  Apparently, students surveyed in 1938 were against helping European Jews. This seems insane now, especially since, to my knowledge, a small percentage of radical European Jews weren't in the habit of terrorizing innocent people in major cities and blowing themselves up on buses. The point here is that, as stated above, we can't pretend that ISIS doesn't exist and hasn't continually found new ways to wreak havoc on civilized societies. 

At the peak of this crisis month ago, I saw people questioning why countries like France and Germany weren't doing more, but I truly think they are doing the best they can in what is a seemingly impossible and unmanageable situation. My heart breaks when I see mothers having to put their babies to sleep under bridges and in alleys, but I can't help but think that maybe that bridge in Germany is safer than the house they fled in Syria. It is easy to sit at a computer and say "Bring all of these poor people here!" when they aren't at your doorstep or to say "The risk of even one attack is too much to allow any refugees in!" when you live a relatively safe and secure life with very little actual risk of death on a daily basis. Not all Syrian refugees are terrorists who hate freedom, and anyone who thinks so is not thinking rationally. Geography dictates that we won't have thousands of people walking across the border relatively unchecked, as they did in Europe, so one would think that offers us the ability to be a bit more discerning with who is entering the country. By the same token, not all people seeking refuge in this country are looking for the freedom and opportunity that this country has always provided, and some are probably seeking to destroy it. Anyone who ignores that possibility is also not looking at reality on reality's terms. If 1% of the world's Muslims are radicalized, that is about one million people. The attacks in Paris show that it only takes a handful to kill hundreds and affect the lives of millions. Having an honest conversation about the realities of this crisis and what helping these refugees will really entail is complex and may not always feel good, but I think it is necessary. Our state's and country's leaders do need to demonstrate that there is a plan for how to get these people here and out of harm's way safely and effectively for everyone involved. Wanting that doesn't make you a hateful fear monger. Wanting to help every man, woman, and child doesn't make you naive. All of these concerns make us human, and perhaps if we stopped trying to prove ourselves right, we might be able to see that and actually start making a difference.